BUILDING TRUST(WHEN YOU HAVE DESTROYED IT)
How to build Trust
When we have broken trust with our partner via emotional or sexual infidelity words are no longer effective or very smart (It makes me think of Breaking Bad…after so many lies, promises are limp). What will actually work?
Recent research (Zitzman and Butler, 2009) suggests the most important thing you can do is
to build “pair-bond trustworthiness.” What does this mean? It’s quite simple actually: live for your partner not yourself!
What does living for my partner look like?
– His/her safety is more important than my freedom.
– I am willing to do without things like…phone and computer except when absolutely
– Buy a cheep phone without internet access…spend the time you would normally spend on
the internet or phone developing some new muscles to make your spouse smile.
– Ask yourself: “I am willing to avoid bars, parties, and ‘friends’ that put me in danger of
emotional or sexual compromise?”
I am even willing to break with relationships that might be unsafe emotionally or sexually.
– What else? Just ask yourself; “If I want my partner to get naked with me and give their
passion and emotional beauty to me” I need to create a landscape between us that is
optimal for pair-bond trustworthiness to occur. This requires radical self-sacrifice, self-
discipline, and self-restraint, period the end. It will not happen if I continue to put my
desires ahead of my partner’s needs.
– Do not ask your partner to be vulnerable with you emotionally or physically until you are
willing to do the hard work of living for your partner not yourself.